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Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Pee Tests, Pregancy, and Civil War
I don't understand pee test. Well, I mean, the concept is simple enough, but still, pee in a cup for a job? The actual practice is more complicated.
Firstly, you can never pee when you need to. It's impossible. You can drink litres and litres of water, and have to pee so bad, but once you get in that weird little bathroom and bust out the cup, your bladder turns into the world's tightest holding tank.
Secondly, when you can pee, you never make it entirely in the cup. I mean, I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that even men, who have more precise peeing equipment, even miss. It's a law of physics. Plus, there are weird instructions you have to follow, like "pee for 3-5 seconds before aiming for the cup". What? Like I really want to be peeing in a cup, and now you want me to wait before I fill this thing?
If you can. That's the third thing I hate about pee tests. You have to fill to a certain line or the sample is void. No matter how much you drink, you just can't seem to make the liquid hit that little line. Why couldn't you use that first three seconds of stream again?
Why do we have such a fascination with peeing in awkward ways any way? Pee your name in the snow, pee in a cup, a bottle, on a stick. It just brings to mind that weird scene in Knocked Up where the sisters are taking pee tests to see if Alison really is pregnant, and they have a bajillion prego tests, and they just pee and pee. That's so not real. You'd probably be so nervous that you couldn't pee at all. Great movie though.
Everyone seems to pregnant anymore. My aunt just had a beautiful baby boy, my fiance's sister is due in about a week, this guy at Wal*Mart and his wife are having one in a couple weeks, there were several women walking around pregnant. Why does everyone seem to be pregnant? Is it just coincidence? Is it just that because I'm older I notice? What?
And apparently there's going to be a Civil War in Alaska. I've chosen to express this in comic form:
I so can't draw, but you get the idea. Sorry I couldn't make it bigger...
Firstly, you can never pee when you need to. It's impossible. You can drink litres and litres of water, and have to pee so bad, but once you get in that weird little bathroom and bust out the cup, your bladder turns into the world's tightest holding tank.
Secondly, when you can pee, you never make it entirely in the cup. I mean, I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that even men, who have more precise peeing equipment, even miss. It's a law of physics. Plus, there are weird instructions you have to follow, like "pee for 3-5 seconds before aiming for the cup". What? Like I really want to be peeing in a cup, and now you want me to wait before I fill this thing?
If you can. That's the third thing I hate about pee tests. You have to fill to a certain line or the sample is void. No matter how much you drink, you just can't seem to make the liquid hit that little line. Why couldn't you use that first three seconds of stream again?
Why do we have such a fascination with peeing in awkward ways any way? Pee your name in the snow, pee in a cup, a bottle, on a stick. It just brings to mind that weird scene in Knocked Up where the sisters are taking pee tests to see if Alison really is pregnant, and they have a bajillion prego tests, and they just pee and pee. That's so not real. You'd probably be so nervous that you couldn't pee at all. Great movie though.
Everyone seems to pregnant anymore. My aunt just had a beautiful baby boy, my fiance's sister is due in about a week, this guy at Wal*Mart and his wife are having one in a couple weeks, there were several women walking around pregnant. Why does everyone seem to be pregnant? Is it just coincidence? Is it just that because I'm older I notice? What?
And apparently there's going to be a Civil War in Alaska. I've chosen to express this in comic form:
I so can't draw, but you get the idea. Sorry I couldn't make it bigger...
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