OMFG A RAPTOR IN YOUR FACE!

Today wasn't the most interesting, so I'm going to tell a story instead. It's half referenced in my non-updated, non-artistic comic "Redundant Dino" which is located at Drunkduck.com. It's only a title page and one comic page, and not worth the time it takes to hunt it down.

World War II games are insanely popular with XBox, PS3, and computer gamers; but most of the games don't actually make you work for victory: if you play as an American or an Ally, you pretty much just have to keep playing until you win all the missions and thence WWII. There's no ... point to it, no "wtf the Germans WON? CRAP!", no reason to spend 3+ hours playing the game.

Note that I'm basing this off the games Cody has, and what I've heard him and Sean talk about. There might be games out there where the Nazis win, but I highly doubt it, because I'm pretty sure the Holocaust survivors would be more than a little peeved that someone released a game where the Nazis win, and the world is turned into a bunch of Aryans. The Aryans, whom, in case you slept thru history class, you tard, hate the Jews, Gypsies, disliked people with dark hair or eyes, blacks, gays, and tele-evangelists ('kay I made that part up, they probably LOVE tele-evangelists just because no one else does).

But a (virtual) realistic threat of Aryan take over isn't the only thing these games lack: they need a reptilian influence, the real reason why America has won all it's wars: VELOCIRAPTORS!
The history books have it all wrong: the dinosaurs didn't all die out, a small colony of raptors managed to survive on a little island in the new world called Rowan Oak, and were discovered by the English colonists who tried to cultivate that place (and went missing, hnmmm). They were discovered once again by Northern forces during the Civil War, who used them as a secret weapon in the calvary, totally smashing any Southern opposition. Which was a big bummer for the Southerners, and partially why many of them believe that they won the Civil War, and bitch a lot.

To progress.

This secret Raptor Calvary was used as a last resort during WWII, since things weren't going as well as the Americans had hoped in Europe, and the French and English weren't able to hold their own. This is also why the Americans managed to totally distroy the Japanese so quickly. Yeah the island hopping thing was annoying, but we had raptors. What can you do against them? Quiver, but that just makes them all the more excited to eviscerate you.

Just image you're in a trench somewhere in France, it's cold, it's rainy, it's dark, there are mortars exploding all around you, shots being fired; you peek over the edge of the trench to get a grasp on the battle and OMFG THERE'S A RAPTOR IN YOUR FACE!!!!

You'd just piss your pants and quit wouldn't you?

Unfortunately, after alien contact and information exchange sometime in the 1950's, the CIA disbanded the Raptor Calvary, had the creatures put down, and their handlers "reassigned". The age of the reliable, terrible Raptor was over, and the age of the lame technological failures began.



So really, the video games need to be more accurate: lets have the gamers sweat a bit because they might lose WWII (not just because they had to sit up a bit to get a new Dew from the mini fridge), and throw the historical accuracies back in: namely the great Raptor Calvary. Is that really too much to ask?

rah!